November 1 usually means coming down from a major sugar buzz. We went to the party. We had the fun. Now, we get to pull ourselves together for the final run to the end of the year. The Hallmark Channel would have you believe that this is the time of year when fate hands us a challenge leading to holiday romance. You and I both know the odds of that actually happening are not in your favor.

What is more likely to happen is an abundance of stress. Toss in a workload heavy enough to cripple three people, and family expectations that are impossible to meet. Together, it creates the perfect scenario for holiday disaster. We’ve all been here before. This churning in our gut isn’t new. Each year we ask the same question: how do we keep these last two months from becoming a disaster?

Fortunately, I have some suggestions based on 5,336 years or so of experience (metaphorically speaking). November is the critical month, though. Put off the holiday prep, and there’s not much anyone can do to help.

First Week of November: Set the Calendar

Depending on the specific type of neurodivergence you have, this may be tough. Some people will have already created a spreadsheet. Both are fine. The end goal is the same: know what people expect from you in advance. That way, even if November passes without getting anything specifically accomplished, you have an idea of a plan for that last-second push.

Ideally, you have a day planner and can record everything on the date it’s due with reminders in advance. Yeah, I don’t do that either. Ideally, the holidays wouldn’t be a problem, but we know better. So, create your own system: sticky notes, reminders on your phone, special alarms, enlist an anally-retentive friend who remembers everything to an annoying level.

The tough part: there’s always someone who doesn’t cooperate. You might ask, “Who’s hosting Thanksgiving this year?” Not only does no one know, but now they have to argue about it for the next two weeks. Your boss isn’t any better. Request a list of end-of-year deliverables. You might get one, but inevitably 15 more things will be added before November is over. Another 20 will pop up in December.

Publicize Your Deadline(s)

November isn’t the time for anyone to lollygag around, not telling you what they need from you. This applies to family, friends, and your boss. Where you place your deadline and how you advertise it is up to you. What’s important at this juncture is that you communicate what you need.

That means you may need to inform your family that “I need to know who’s hosting Thanksgiving dinner by the 12th, or I can’t promise to be there.” The request is not unreasonable, especially if there’s a chance you may have to book travel accommodations. Anything less than two weeks’ notice is rude. The same applies to any dress code that might be implemented.

Setting your own November deadline(s) at work is just as important. If you work a variable schedule, you need to know now which days/shifts you have off. If you have plans that mean you can’t be called in last minute, you need to let your boss know as well so that there won’t be any misplaced expectations. This is especially true if you are traveling for any holiday (there are a ton of them over the remainder of the year). Let people know when you plan to leave and when you’ll return.

For children: those letters to Santa need to be “mailed” by November 15. The “elves” don’t do overtime.

November Shopping = December Ease

Holidays are a strain on everyone’s budget. Hint: early November sales are lifesavers. They may or may not save your budget, but spreading out the pain over multiple paychecks stands a better chance of lowering anxiety levels.

There are a couple of staples to watch: Pantry and canned goods often go on sale the first two weeks of November. If you have need of a food tray or specialty item, those reservations typically open up about now, also.

Holiday decor starts going on sale now as well. Yeah, the stores are anxious to get rid of last year’s leftovers because this year’s crap is already filling their back rooms. Even if you are one of those people who don’t decorate until the day before, buying now can save you cash.

If electronics are on your shopping list, watch for brand-name sales to hit well in advance of Black Friday. November can generate some steals if you can shop early.

State Your Needs Loudly

For many people, November is when our stomach starts turning itself in knots. We’ve sat through too many of these holiday events. We know who is the problem, what they’re going to do, and how the rest of the family excuses their actions. For too many years, no one has listened to you after the fact. So …

Set your boundaries now. No, you will not sit next to that uncle. You will not tolerate bullying about your job, your relationship status, or your choice of clothing. You do not have to share a bed with that cousin you haven’t seen in seven years. There are limits. Make them known, then stand by them.

There is no reason for you to go all the way through the month of November and most of December with a perpetual stomach ache. Eliminate the problem now.

November Comes With Help

November is also a good time to reach out for help. Whether it’s help in the kitchen, travel issues, or that feeling that you can’t handle another holiday with those people, here are some phone numbers that may come in handy.

• Butterball Turkey Hotline. The OG of holiday help lines. Call 1-800-BUTTERBALL or text 844-877-3456 to chat.
• The USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline. The USDA operates this line. They’ll give you the “official” government answer to safe cooking. Use at your own risk. 1-888-674-6854.
• Empire Kosher Poultry Customer Hotline. This is critical if anyone at your table eats kosher (they don’t have to be Jewish). 1-717-436-7055. Monday through Thursday, 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. EST. Friday from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. EST
• Shady Brook Farms Dial-a-Chef Holiday Hotline. If you don’t know how to cook, you need these folks on speed dial. 1-888-723-4468.
• Food52. Online only, but they’re open year-round. Again, the less you know, the more you need these folks.
• King Arthur Flour 1-855-371-BAKE (2253). Call or chat online. When it comes to baking, these folks have more experience than a dozen grandmas.
• US State Department. Yeah, no one likes dealing with the government, but sometimes we need them. If you are inside the US, Canada, or its territories, call 1-888-407-4747. If you are outside the US or Canada, call 1-202-501-4444.
• National Roadside Assistance (AAA): Call 1-800-AAA-HELP (1-800-222-4357). You can request roadside service even if you are not a member, though fees will apply.
• Highway Patrol / State Police. We really hope you never need this, but in an emergency, call 311 and ask to be connected to the local highway patrol dispatch.
• The National Travel Info Hotline: Dial 511 from any mobile phone. You’ll get up-to-the-minute info on road closures, weather issues, and construction delays.

Airline Numbers

• American Airlines: 1-800-433-7300
• Delta Air Lines: 1-800-221-1212
• United Airlines: 1-800-864-8331
• Southwest Airlines: 1-800-435-9792
• JetBlue: 1-800-538-2583
• Alaska Airlines: 1-800-252-7522

Additional Important Numbers

• Poison Control: 1-800-222-1222, because some people will put anything in their mouth.
• Animal Poison Control: (888) 426-4435 because people food is not pet food.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 because we’re not putting up with that shit. Ever.
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 because. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Just call. Press 2 for services in Spanish.
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): 1-800-950-6264 (Monday–Friday, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. ET). The limited time isn’t perfect, but for 12 hours a day, it’s there.

November’s Most Important Number

+1 (605) 313-4000. That’s the Santa Claus hotline. The recorded message reminds those bratty nieces, nephews, cousins, siblings, etc., that they need to be good, and then they can leave a detailed wish list. There’s no age limit. Adults sometimes need to tell an anonymous person what they need, too.

The holidays are messy. The first two weeks of November are your chance to get a handle on all of it.

I know there’s a lot more about the holidays that we need to unpack. We’ll get to it a little at a time. Give yourself some credit, though. You’ve got this.

Have any more tips? Horror stories? Let us know in the comments, or drop us a line!