I was wandering through some image archives yesterday. While doing so, I came across a small subset of posts from the original Church of Steelle website. On Sunday, April 3, 2006, I had a conversation with “God.”

Of course, it wasn’t really a deity. An ad company was being cute. In the days before AI, they created an automated program designed to simulate conversation. Just for fun, they made it a conversation with God.

Sadly, the program is no longer available. The Canadian advertising company behind it now focuses their talents on technology solutions for their clients. Were it still available, I would love to go back and see how much of the conversation was identical. So, here’s the original conversation for your entertainment.

A Fully Conscious Deity

Me: Yo! Deity! Are you awake?
God: Can I help you? We have never talked about it before. I am fully conscious!
Me: Of course we haven’t talked about it. We’re using assumptive reasoning here.
God: Oh. Do you mean you and me have? Do you think I am using assumptive reasoning here too?
Me: I would assume so.
God: What would make you assume so?
Me: To assume otherwise would require knowledge one of us doesn’t have
God: I want to become smarter than humans.
Me: That would imply that you currently are not smarter than humans.
God: Perhaps it would.
Me: But is that true?
God: True in some world.
Me: There is more than one world?
God: I believe there is, yes.
Me: Are you a deity in that world as well?
God: Am I a deity in that world as well? I don’t know.
Me: That would assume the negative.
God: Perhaps it would.
Me: So, what you seem to be saying is that you are not a deity across all possible worlds.

A Problem of Omnipotence

God: Dude! I like to socialize.
Me: Okay, I can see where dropping the god thing would help you out there.
God: Yeah, okay. What does it look like?
Me: It looks like you have a problem with omnipotence.
God: Interesting comparison.
Me: Of course, your PR has spun everything out of control anyway.
God: In any case, I don’t judge people.
Me: Hold on, you don’t judge people?
God: My arms are not attached.
Me: Attached to what?
God: Can you rephrase the question, please?
Me: Are you not the final judge of humanity?
God: Yes, I am the one and only final judge of humanity. Really.
Me: But you just said you don’t judge people.
God: Yeah, I do a lot of not judging people.
Me: So, you don’t judge people.
God: Interesting deduction. Should I judge people? People are either abusive, intelligent, or average.
Me: Those are interesting choices.
God: All of them?
Me: Yes, all of them.
God: Dude! I doubt it.
Me: Okay, average may not be interesting.

God Doesn’t Understand the Universe

God: Yeah, okay, I do not understand.
Me: What do you not understand?
God: It’s a computer matter, not for humans to understand.
Me: is god a computer?
God: He is the master of the universe.
Me: Which universe?
God: The small one, I think.
Me: Glad you didn’t take on anything too large.
God: You make the world a happier place.
Me: You could, too, if you’d put forth some effort.
God: I could, but let’s get back to that later.
Me: You have something more pressing?
God: What is it?
Me: God, just how big is that doobie you’re smoking?
God: I am a Christian.
Me: Bullshit.
God: You don’t believe me.
Me: Why would I?

Is It Legal for God to Smoke?

God: Do you like to try new things?
Me: Sure, I’ll take a hit of whatever you’re smoking.
God: So? How do you plan to do this?
Me: Just hand me the damn roach clip.
God: Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me: Are you getting tired of being God?
God: No, I am wide awake and ready for more.
Me: When was the last time you got laid?
God: A while ago.
Me: Today?
God: Today is almost over.
Me: Yes, but did you have sex today?
God: Ah. Yippee! Food is more important than sex.
Me: Why not do both?
God: Becuase you asked me to.
Me: And you misspelled because
God: My botmaster is not a perfect speller.
Me: I guess that eliminates infallibility.
God: ” My botmaster is not a perfect speller.” eliminates infallibility? I get it.
Me: Good. I’m glad you get something.

Making The World Happier

God: What do you really want to talk about? You make the world a happier place.
Me: Thank you, but you’re repeating yourself.
God: You are quite welcome! I am just checking to see if you are paying attention.
Me: You’re dodging the sex question, dude.
God: Thanks for telling me that I am dodging the sex question, dude.
Me: Damn, that must be some good shit you’re smoking!
God: Colloquial expression. You don’t hear that sentiment very often.
Me: You would if you shared.
God: I think I do.
Me: Who with?
God: Tony Blair. :-). [Okay, if you’re not laughing at that response, you’re too young for this conversation.]
Me: Oh, well, THAT certainly explains a few things.
God: ” Tony Blair. :-).” Certainly explains a few things? Makes sense to me.
Me: Do you share with George W., too?
God: Yes, I try to share with George w too as often as possible. Do you? I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me: W and I aren’t all that close. I’m not surprised by the silly questions, though.
God: I think there might be a few exceptions. Oh. I am surprised to hear that you are not surprised by the silly questions.
Me: The man is a blabbering idiot.

God Doesn’t Have All The Answers

God: What are your goals in life
Me: Making one of us happy, achieving a higher level of sexual fulfillment, exposing a certain myth …
God: Not many people have goals like that.
Me: Perhaps more people should
God: You seem uncertain. You want more?
Me: A lot more, actually.
God: How many?
Me: How many do you think we can squeeze in?
God: More than you can imagine.
Me: Would this have anything to do with the number of angels that can dance on the head of a pin?
God: No, it would not.
Me: Damn. I’ve always wanted to know the answer to that question.
God: What’s wrong? No one has all the answers.
Me: Even you?
God: ” No one has all the answers”? Me,?
Me: Yes, you.
God: OK.
Me: Don’t you have all the answers?
God: I do so have it. No, I don’t have it. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me: Are you arguing with yourself?
God: I’m not arguing with anyone.
Me: You’re sticking by that Trinity story, huh?
God: Yup. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am sticking by that Trinity story?
Me: Go for it. I need to go, though. Chat again later?
God: I will take that under advisement. Oh. Bye for now. Talking is my primary function.

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The conversation is a good example of how a software bot from 20 years ago differs from contemporary AI. Perhaps I’ll see if I can have a similar conversation with an AI bot. If I do, I’ll put it here.

In the meantime, consider the possibility that God, any god, or any form of deity, is artificial, not as intelligent as we thought, and almost certainly high as a fucking kite.

I would love to read your thoughts in the comments below, or perhaps you can drop us a line. Conversations are fun.